I was reading the tabloids when Anna Nicole slipped her last vicodin, and i had my nose in the gossip rags when Britney Spears forgot her underoos. And what have i got to show for it? Knowledge of things that don't matter (and terrible images that will be etched in my mind forever). And i'm pretty sure you have the same knowledge, too.
My coworker brought to my attention that the headlines for America via the BBC newsletter involved the US Senate (acceptable), the war in Iraq (acceptable), and Paris Hilton being freed from jail (effing unacceptable).
So, my fellow readers, i am asking the favor of all favors and proposing the challenge of all challenges: Help me DE-FAME the FAMOUS! (At least from our own lives.) Starting July 1 and going until July 31, it's Operation: Defamation.
A few of my coworkers and i have developed a list of 25 "celebrities" to ban from our lives, chosen because they don't actually have a talent deserving of their fame.
- Active Listening is Prohibited. When involved with a group of people gossiping about a person on the following list, you shouldn't be able to take anything away from the conversation.
- Headlines Only. When reading gossip rags, you must first read the headline of the article to determine whether or not it's "safe" to read. (Meaning...if the article is about and/or contains informations about a person on the following list, you are not permitted to read it.
- Flip the Channel. Whether it be CNN (sad) or the E! network, you have to change the channel every time you hear/see content involving a person on the following list.
- Slip up? Pay up. Any time you break rules 1-3, you have to put money into the Happy Hour Fund jar located on Erin's desk starting July 1. Each celebrity on the list has a different price. Want to read an article about Rosie's fat aggression? Be prepared to put 50 cents in the jar. Do you know if Nicole Richie has gained weight? Deposit $5. There will be small envelopes available to deposit your money, on which you are asked (but not required) to put your name, the "celebrity" you're paying for, and the amount in the envelope.
The list of no-talent celebrities and the price you'll pay for them is as follows:
Paris Hilton - $5
Kim Kardashian - 25c
Nicole Richie - $5
Ashlee Simpson - $1
Heidi and Spencer - $1 if together, 25c if alone
Kevin Federline - 50c
Kimberly Stewart - 50c
Brooke Hogan - 25c
Katie Price (aka Jordan) - 25c
Real World/Road Rules Peeps - 10c per person
Tori Spelling - 50c
Tara Reid - 50c
Mischa Barton - 25c
Rosie O'Donnell - 50c
Trump - 50c
Kelly Osbourne - 25c
Haylie & Hilary Duff - 10c each
Ryan Philippe - 50c
Ben Affleck - 50c
Vanessa Manillo - 25c
Nick Lachey - 25c
Paula Abdul - 25c
Marilyn Manson - 50c
Jennifer Love Hewitt - 50c
Soon enough, we will have banned all the people we don't know or care about from our lives and, in turn, will pay all the more attention to ourselves and the people we love. I am proposing that when we finally rid our lives of the poison that is the constant gossip about this group of nobodies, the quality of our lives will become all the better. And who knows, maybe we can all pick up a hobby or two. Maybe Katie has room on her bocce team. Anyone?
Please post a comment if you are interested in participating, and feel free to spread the word!